Backward but Forward

Well, I gained a pound last week. But all things considered I'm okay with that. You see, I might have taken a step backward in my weight loss last week, but I took a few hundred steps forward in an area that's much more important...my marriage.

Aaron and I attended the Weekend to Remember marriage seminar at the Gaylord Texan this weekend. Things have been more than just a little rough for us recently. And, of course, it's all his fault.

Or so I thought.

Do you ever have those moments where you're in a crowd listening to someone speak and suddenly it's like everyone else disappears and the speaker is looking directly at you and there's a giant spotlight that shows everything nasty about your life? Guess who had one of those moments this weekend? Okay, maybe I had more than one.

I'm not going to fully explain anything here because, frankly, it's no one's business but mine and his. I do, however, want to tell you about our weekend and share the most important things I learned (or was reminded of).

Friday night we talked about the main reasons marriages fail and about differing communication styles. I should note here that Aaron and I have opposite communication styles. As opposite as we could possible have. Which really means it makes perfect sense that by the time we had been in our room for 15 minutes we were in the middle of an argument. Not a bad one at all, but that made the weekend start out in a little bit of a funk. And we were still funky Saturday morning. I bring this up for a reason.

Saturday morning we talked about God's plan and purpose for marriage, what it really means to leave and cleave, and how our own personal relationships with God affect our relationship with each other. By lunchtime we were starting to realize that we both were being stupid. But I don't think we were really ready to admit it yet.

Saturday afternoon there were sessions about conflict resolution and intimacy, and woven into those sessions was a project where we each had to write a love letter to our spouse. There were guidelines for this letter, and it was not easy. This is where I need to admit that writing a letter to Aaron was more beneficial to me than reading what he wrote to me. And I think that was the way it was intended to be. There's something about having to put thoughts and promises in writing that really drives them home. Those letters were the turning point in our weekend.

Saturday night was date night, and we had an amazing, fabulous, spectacular dinner at the Old Hickory Steakhouse. (Thus the weight gain. And I'm actually thrilled that it wasn't more than a pound). Before we left the room for the restaurant, however, we both felt the same need to ask for forgiveness for some attitudes and behaviors that had created so much tension in our first seven years of marriage. Our plan was that Saturday night was going to be our "first" date. Not that the pain and aggrevation was gone or forgotten, but that we were commited to seeing each other in a new light and letting go of the same old arguments. And we had a great time!

I feel compelled to mention here that I will forever be in love with the chocolate cake I had that night. I think they put crack in it. Seriously.

Sunday morning we split into two groups: men and women. I hope Darcy Kimmel knows the impact she had on me yesterday morning. Ladies, this was not your typical "women were designed to be the supporting cast" seminar lecture. This was real, practical stuff that went straight to my heart.

Here's the recap of the most important things I took away from this weekend:
1) Respect is a choice. It's not something that my husband has to earn and is not based on his performance. God gave me my husband, and to show disrespect to Aaron is to disrespect the character of God. If I'm not making my husband feel adequate and respected I'm not doing what God intended (and commanded) me to do as a wife.

2) Submission does not mean that I don't try to make things better. It means that I direct my efforts to prayer and allow God to make things better. Or as Darcy put it, "Submission is ducking so God can hit your husband."

(This next one was not part of the seminar. It's just something that was reaffirmed throughout the weekend)

3) Good friends are a gift from God and are so vitally important to making a marriage work. I am amazed at the people God has placed around me, and I am humbled at their sincere interest in my life despite only knowing me for a few months. This weekend I really discovered what it's like to not be alone in what you're struggling with.

The seminar ended with an opportunity to verbally renew our vows which was surprisingly emotional. This post has gone on much longer than I intended it to, so let me just through this out into cyberspace and wrap things up:

My husband, with all his flaws and quirks, is a godly man who I love with all my heart. He is loyal. He is a hard worker. He makes me laugh when no one else can. He supports me when no one really should. And I am blessed more than I deserve by his patience and generosity.

God is good, folks. God is good.